Self-isolation has been challenging for many families – especially those working from home who have children, but it is proving to be particularly difficult for single individuals. While many have at least one other person to self-isolate with, some people don’t have anyone and are struggling to deal with the loneliness of the new restrictions put on New Yorkers.
New York Living
Many people move to NY and sacrifice larger apartments for cheaper, smaller housing because New York is an extension of their homes. With individuals going out to work for large portions of the day, going out to exercise, spending time with friends whether it’s eating out, dancing, going to museums, walking the streets, visiting parks, living single never feels lonely. In fact, it’s amazing because you get the best of two worlds – a social life and privacy. However, the 360° turn from being social, active, lively individuals came to an abrupt stop with the hit of this pandemic and the effect it has had on people is really shaking them to the core.
What They Had To Say…
I surveyed several single New Yorkers and had them describe the way they are feeling at the moment. Can you relate?
– The Introverts –
Three Words To Describe How You Feel Right Now
A – grateful, spiritual, and hopeful
B – connected, relaxed, uncertain
Is Loneliness Settling In?
A – Initially, no because I’m naturally an introvert and a bit of a homebody. Plus, I have 2 roommates so I’ve never gone a day without some form of human interaction. I’d say the moments of feeling lonely were more so related to being let go from my job. It’s hard to go through challenges in life without a husband or boyfriend to shoulder those things with. When you don’t have a life partner, sometimes it can feel like you’re struggling on your own.
B – Nope. I think for me since I was overworked, I honestly have found solace in being reconnected with my daughter. Using the time to catch up on some much-needed things that have been ignored because of work obligations.
Is Anxiety Settling In?
A – Not really, if anything I think this time has made me appreciate the things that I still do have and not focus so much on what I don’t have. I’m really just trying to live each day as it comes because this situation has shown me that no matter how much we plan and worry we just can’t control what the future holds.
B – Not much anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I am uncertain about what’s next for me but I know that things can only go up from here. My job ended and while I have no clear idea when and if I will continue after as a nanny, I think this has even given me much courage to focus on building my own business!
How It’s Affected Your Work:
A – No work at the moment but being let go has motivated me to explore other activities that I didn’t have time for when I was working. It’s also given me time to reflect on ways I can be a better person, friend, sister, daughter etc.
B – I am not working at the moment.
How You’re Finding Ways To Cope:
A – I’ve definitely been spending more time with God and have focused more on Bible reading. My family and I will FaceTime each other just to check-in. I’ve also had the chance to catch up with old coworkers and friends, some that I haven’t seen or talked to in years.
B – I am reading, watching my favorite shows, spending time with my daughter, writing and connecting with friends.
– The Socializers –
Three Words To Describe How You Feel Right Now
C – thankful, calm, reflective
D – Stable, impatient, held-back
Is Loneliness Settling In?
C – No, I live with roommates so there is always someone to have a conversation with. Not to mention being able to call, text, or video chat with friends and family.
D – No, because this has pushed me to communicate with others regularly and not think about only myself. It’s also motivated me to utilize more avenues of communication whether it’s videos, text, calls.
Is Anxiety Settling In?
C – No. I make it a practice to rely heavily on prayer, which helps to relieve any anxiety I may be having.
D – No, because I feel stable in my work. I’m also a spiritual person so it takes away from the angst most people feel. Come what may… I’m not worried about things I can’t control.
How It’s Affected Your Work:
C – Not as productive as I feel I could be if I were working at my office.
D – My present schedule is a bit unusual because I’m a first responder in the middle of an unprecedented crisis, but it’s not unbearable. I’m doing the best I can to be an active, present individual, despite the uncertainty in the world right now and stay above the chaos.
How You’re Finding Ways To Cope:
C – praying, talking to close friends, reading, working on creative projects.
D – cooking, talking to my friends and family, NETFLIX and getting enough rest. I’m used to going all the time – expanding my spiritual goals, hanging out with friends/family, working, exercising regularly, and just doing things ALL THE TIME. And now I’m trying to find the balance between being calm and still (which is the opposite of my personality), and being out in the world for a specific purpose – to help others. It’s been a hard, but welcome challenge.
– The Essential Workers –
Three Words To Describe How You Feel Right Now:
E – exhausted, stressed, disappointed
F – confused, tired, paranoid
Is Loneliness Settling In?
E – No, because I go to work four days a week as an essential worker and am in contact with the public and my coworkers. At home, I’m either playing video games with friends online or resting up for my next shift at work.
F – A little because I live alone.
Is Anxiety Settling In?
E – I’m pragmatic – I don’t think worrying is going to improve my situation so I try my best to remain calm so I can think clearly and effectively. Freaking out won’t benefit those around me. Finding solutions will. Actually, I’m more stressed and disappointed by the public’s response to each other (racial discrimination has intensified towards Asian individuals who were born the U.S.A.), and people’s inability to STAY AT HOME.
F – Not Really. I try to avoid dwelling on the current circumstances by keeping busy.
How It’s Affected Your Work:
E – I work at an airport so flights have drastically declined, there are obviously very few travelers at the moment as a result, and there was a sharp decrease in revenue which lead to companywide layoffs. As part of management, I have to help compensate for the lack of staff and I’m feeling overwhelmed. I witnessed a passenger speaking with her family member (her husband maybe?) concerning a flight that would be the last to go out before that airline shut down and her partner was trying to calm and console her. It was their only option for a flight back home and he was telling her to take care of everyone when she got back because he had to stay in NY for whatever reason. It was heartbreaking to watch her crumble up in tears.
F – I was always cautious at work being part of the transit system, but now even more so. The paranoia keeps us more distant from people in general.
How You’re Finding Ways To Cope:
E – I sleep as much as I can, try to eat well, and keeping in touch with friends and family on a daily basis via video chat or calls. Did I mention sleep?
F – I’ve been talking to friends and family often, limiting news watching, and trying to get enough sleep!
Human Nature
In times of distress it feels good to lean on someone’s shoulder and feel safe, or to panic with someone else and feel understood. People make us feel grounded. Even though many parents would say they would love some alone time right now, being alone ALL the time is not a nice feeling when the world is in a state of uncertainty. It is human nature to want someone close to us, to be in our physical space, to reassure us of things to come – even if they’re not sure themselves.
Have You Checked In?
Our strongest friends don’t have it together all the time and everyone needs a listening ear. A good friend checks in, offers comfort and reassurance (whether it’s a kind word, a small delivery to let the person know you care, a non-judgmental listening ear), and is consistent. During these ever-changing times, it is good to know you have someone in your corner.
Set up a consistent weekly phone call or video chat with your friends, family, and elderly ones who may be separated from or who have lost their loved ones. Knowing that that call will come in each week may be just the thing they need to get through the week. Share a laugh, bake, drink, clean, or play music together! Just don’t do it alone.
If you had to draw or paint your group of friends on a piece of paper, what would it look like? In fact, I challenge you! I know many of us are FAR from artists, but draw your friends on a piece of paper and send a picture of it to them! Tag us @ma_bohne because we wanna see #ThisIsMyFren?MaBohne