Remember those nights when you used to go straight from work out to drinks, travel on a whim with your bestie for a girls weekend, or binge-watch your favorite episodes of Sex and the City without a single thought?! Becoming a parent can be one of the most rewarding times of a person’s life, but it’s safe to say sometimes you miss being just you and enjoying the freedoms that came with that. I’m definitely not saying that you regret becoming a parent, but it’s nice to have a reminder of that person you were pre-baby, no?
For some, this pre-baby persona comes as an awful reminder when their childless friends slowly start weaning themselves off and going to events without even mentioning it to you until after the fact, chalking it up to “Well… I figured you wouldn’t be able to go. You know, with the baby and all…” When dynamics shift in friendships due to major life changes, adjusting can be difficult and frankly painful – especially if these friends were such a big part of your life. Here are some things that have helped myself and others…
Express Yourself
I strongly believe that good communication is the foundation of any good relationship.
Verbalize How You Feel – Are you feeling left out or hurt? Do you think that your friend isn’t supportive enough?
Hear Your Friend Out – They may honestly feel like they’re respecting your space and giving you bonding time with the family OR may be feeling left out now that your focus is your baby.
Remember, neither you or your friend are mind readers. Being open and honest about how each other feels will help to mend the hurt and help you to decide whether you both are willing to put forth the effort to maintain the friendship despite these new life changes.
Face The Facts
Recognize that there has obviously been a change in the dynamic and you can’t necessarily do all of the same things you used to. While spontaneity is a little more difficult now that you have a little one, plan ahead to spend time with your friends and make those moments memorable.
Be Present
Sometimes it can be really difficult not to gush about your little one to others all day long. Give yourself a limit – say within the first five to ten minutes of hanging out with your bestie – that you’ll talk about how home life is and how you’re adjusting to life with baby. After that, focus on the moment and have fun with your friend! While a good friend is able to appreciate the growth happening in your life and vice versa, it’s normal to grow apart or even outgrow a friendship. Embrace the fact that times change, people evolve, and that’s okay – as long as you both are better for it!
How do you keep your friendships fresh despite major life changes (moving, marriage, baby)?
Share your thoughts with me in the comments below!