Work relationships can be difficult enough to navigate outside of the home, but when the work environment involves your personal space and family, boundaries need to be established at the outset for both nannies and parents.
Here are some common issues that I’ve heard involving parents and nannies…
Parents:
Our nanny…
Is not disciplining our child in a way that we feel comfortable with
Is feeding our child foods that we don’t want him to have on the sly
Is re-arranging things in our home to her liking without our consent
Has an attitude with one parent, but friendly to the other
Threatens to quit every time we bring up an issue (i.e. pay, proper communication, lateness, etc)
Nannies:
The Parent(s) I work for…
– Do(es) not listen to helpful suggestions that I make that would benefit the child – Constantly leaves the house in a mess and expects me to tidy it up – Are irritated when I can’t work late – Refers to me more often as the help than by my name – Becomes irritable, threatens to fire me, or reminds me that others would be grateful for this job when I bring up a concern involving pay, personal time, or proper communication. The most common reason why these issues come up is a lack of communication. One of the most essential parts of having an agreeable work environment in the home is to lay out all expectations at the outset, and not play-it-by ear as you go. Playing it by ear creates a gray area that can easily be taken advantage of by both parties. With each milestone the child reaches, discuss any necessary changes that would affect the nanny’s role in any way and make sure you both are in agreement. Some families have quarterly check-ins, whereby they and their caregiver discuss milestones reached, concerns, and anything needed to make the work environment more productive. Add any change in responsibility to the contract and initial it to show that it was discussed and agreed upon.
Parents:
Be open-minded, but if there is something you feel strongly about – insist on it. If you’re dealing with a nanny that is not interested in carrying out care to your specifications it may be time to find someone else.
If you have a concern, share it immediately with your nanny in a kind way and invite the nanny to do the same.
When in doubt about a certain responsibility refer back to the contract you created.
The role of a nanny is not to be confused with that of a housekeeper. Unless agreed upon at the time of hiring, any extra responsibilities should not be expected to be carried out by the nanny unless she is going to be compensated for such.
Do not threaten to fire someone for a mistake made once or twice unless it is life-threatening. We all make mistakes, our responses to them are the determining factor.
Speak to others the way you would like to be spoken to. Regardless of the fact that you are someone’s employer, talking to someone like they are the help is never okay. Your caregiver is fully aware of what role they play in your household. Creating a respectful, but kind environment is key.
Nannies:
– Handle your job to the best of your ability by becoming familiar with your role in the household as outlined in your contract. – Do not assume extra responsibilities in the household and then act begrudgingly. – Always remember to be respectful at all times and not to be so overly familiar that you lose sight of the role you play in the household. Both parents should be treated with equal amounts of respect and understanding especially if you’d like the same in return. – If you believe that a particular method of child-rearing works best but the parent you work with prefers another method, the parent’s preference trumps yours unless the child’s safety is in question. Follow the parent’s directives to the letter as best as possible and share concerns and helpful alternatives if necessary. – Always share concerns with parents the minute they arise – an unhappy work situation makes it difficult to get through the day or deal with people in a kind and respectful way.
I hope some of these tips help you as you work together in the home!